My father in law died last Saturday. He had parkinson's and cancer but he was 94 years old so it wasn't unexpected. About 3 weeks ago he saw his oncologists who said the cancer had spread and that he had a couple weeks, more or less. Within a few days he couldn't walk anymore (with his walker). A few days later he couldn't stand/hold himself up. He lived 2 weeks and 2 days.
The point is, that when you get into your 90s (his wife is 92) you should be prepared. You should have your ducks lined up....i.e, power of attorney decided and codified, wills, trusts, medical directives/DNRs, Funeral arrangements all in place etc.
It is in fact never too early to do those things. We did it for my parents, and it was/is in place for my in-laws and for my wife and I. It just makes things so much easier when the time comes. Nobody gets out of this alive, makes sense to prepare/plan for the inevitable.
Another thing is to have all your financial accounts, insurance policies etc, etc, in a place where they can be easily found. My wife has power of attorney and has been handling her parents finances/lives for a number of years and is meticulous in organizing things. That's proven to be helpful when dealing with his pension, taxes, social security, life insurance etc.
Consider long term care insurance (LTCI) It seems expensive (and it is a lot more expensive now than when I bought mine years ago) but it will continue to get more expensive. It you haven't gone through it, medical care is uber expensive and regular insurance, Social Security/Medicare will only pay so much. As we tend to live longer you're going to need it in your old age. My in-laws had/have LTCI, my parents didn't. Medical care ate through my mom and dad's nest egg when he had to go to Assisted Living and then skilled nursing care after having his stroke.
My FIL was placed under hospice. He died at home surrounded by family. Hospice was a nice experience (considering the circumstances). They take you off all medical assistance. No more meds (except for pain), doctors appointments, tubes or other life sustaining equipment. Hospice brought in an adjustable hospital bed and other stuff to their home for comfort care. In fact everything is geared for comfort in the last days/hours. Hospice is paid for by medicare, no cost to the patient. We were with him when he died, something I couldn't do when my dad died last year under the Covid restrictions. My dad did pass with palliative care in place but his family couldn't be with him.
So....are you prepared?
Are you prepared?
Re: Are you prepared?
Very sorry for your loss Mac. And you bring up very good points.
When our son was younger my wife and I started a Trust in case anything happened to us. We wanted to make sure he was taken care of. Additionally, I have several life insurance policies to ensure my wife is taken care of as well. I guess you could say these are the final preps.
When our son was younger my wife and I started a Trust in case anything happened to us. We wanted to make sure he was taken care of. Additionally, I have several life insurance policies to ensure my wife is taken care of as well. I guess you could say these are the final preps.
A man cannot call himself peaceful if he is not capable of violence. If he's not capable of violence he isn't peaceful, he is harmless. There is a distinct difference.
Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot weather this storm". The warrior replies, "I am the storm".
Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot weather this storm". The warrior replies, "I am the storm".
Re: Are you prepared?
Sorry for your loss Mac.
Comments:
1. Use an attorney only a couple of years out of law school to draft your intervivos trust and will. My father used older lawyers in two different states. They had not been exposed to the concept of trusts in law school. One lawyer practiced in a state which went from Napoleonic Law to Community Property Law in one jump - and of course he was unfamiliar with Community Property Law.
2. If you have had experience somewhere along the lines with estate planning, check your plan by going to Legal Zoom. That outfit does not charge you until you have answered all questions AND ready to finalize.
3. You can never start to early. I had a plan in place and my wife died at age 40, leaving me with a little one.
4. You can save a lot of litigation and a lot of taxes by attending some of the free estate planning seminars put on by lawyers. You don't have to buy anything, just listen and raise questions.
5. Somewhere along the way, I read that 90% of the population dies without a will and 50% of the lawyers. The taxes you save by estate planning is a multiple of the minor expense of a lawyer doing the planning.
6. The people in this forum are older. You start young. I have a young nephew who is a lawyer. His wife is diabetic and he has a preschooler. No estate plan for either parent.
7. I had a woman neighbor two doors down. She died without a will or a trust. The two cars and the house sat there for at least a couple of years. The state pegs the lawyer fees and the court fees to the gross value of the property - it ended up selling for nearly $2,000,000. Easily cost the estate nearly $100,000 in fees that could have been avoided by a simple trust.
Comments:
1. Use an attorney only a couple of years out of law school to draft your intervivos trust and will. My father used older lawyers in two different states. They had not been exposed to the concept of trusts in law school. One lawyer practiced in a state which went from Napoleonic Law to Community Property Law in one jump - and of course he was unfamiliar with Community Property Law.
2. If you have had experience somewhere along the lines with estate planning, check your plan by going to Legal Zoom. That outfit does not charge you until you have answered all questions AND ready to finalize.
3. You can never start to early. I had a plan in place and my wife died at age 40, leaving me with a little one.
4. You can save a lot of litigation and a lot of taxes by attending some of the free estate planning seminars put on by lawyers. You don't have to buy anything, just listen and raise questions.
5. Somewhere along the way, I read that 90% of the population dies without a will and 50% of the lawyers. The taxes you save by estate planning is a multiple of the minor expense of a lawyer doing the planning.
6. The people in this forum are older. You start young. I have a young nephew who is a lawyer. His wife is diabetic and he has a preschooler. No estate plan for either parent.
7. I had a woman neighbor two doors down. She died without a will or a trust. The two cars and the house sat there for at least a couple of years. The state pegs the lawyer fees and the court fees to the gross value of the property - it ended up selling for nearly $2,000,000. Easily cost the estate nearly $100,000 in fees that could have been avoided by a simple trust.
Re: Are you prepared?
Sorry for your loss, but you give a lot of good advise.
Re: Are you prepared?
One thing I didn't address was what you want to do if you can no longer take care of yourself. Nursing home/skilled nursing, assisted living, memory care facility.
When my dad had a stroke we moved he and my mom into an independent living facility from their 2 story condo. They needed to downsize and neither one could climb stairs. We eventually moved my dad into assisted living as he declined. Finally he moved to skilled nursing where he died. Recently moved my 94 y/o mom into assisted living and are now looking to move my wife's mother into AL (actually memory care) as well.
Make sure you put in writing what the expectations are for your parents and yourself. That way your kids will know what you want done. One of my sister in law's family argued what to do with their mother suffering from alzheimer's. Some wanted memory care some wanted to keep her at home even when she no longer recognized any of them. It caused a lot of anger/resentment in the family.
Another thing is deciding on funeral arrangements. Cremation or burial, viewing, funeral or memorial service. If burial, where? Do you have a plot? * Best to decide ahead of time and put those decisions in writing. There are checklists for all the planning online which makes it easy to do.
*My in-laws bought a cemetery plot decades ago but as they got older their ideas changed from being buried to being cremated and their ashes spread. Some ashes will be taken back to Kentucky where they are from and some to Florida where they lived before moving them back to Michigan. They no longer need the plot so It will be sold.
When my dad had a stroke we moved he and my mom into an independent living facility from their 2 story condo. They needed to downsize and neither one could climb stairs. We eventually moved my dad into assisted living as he declined. Finally he moved to skilled nursing where he died. Recently moved my 94 y/o mom into assisted living and are now looking to move my wife's mother into AL (actually memory care) as well.
Make sure you put in writing what the expectations are for your parents and yourself. That way your kids will know what you want done. One of my sister in law's family argued what to do with their mother suffering from alzheimer's. Some wanted memory care some wanted to keep her at home even when she no longer recognized any of them. It caused a lot of anger/resentment in the family.
Another thing is deciding on funeral arrangements. Cremation or burial, viewing, funeral or memorial service. If burial, where? Do you have a plot? * Best to decide ahead of time and put those decisions in writing. There are checklists for all the planning online which makes it easy to do.
*My in-laws bought a cemetery plot decades ago but as they got older their ideas changed from being buried to being cremated and their ashes spread. Some ashes will be taken back to Kentucky where they are from and some to Florida where they lived before moving them back to Michigan. They no longer need the plot so It will be sold.
Re: Are you prepared?
Had the Boy Scouts come by yesterday. Will come by tomorrow. Gave some 18 outdoor tools ranging from axes to shovels, buffer machine, exercise machine, multiple containers of needed chemicals. Spray paints. lines. Reducing the extras. Gloves.
Re: Are you prepared?
Condolences to you and your family. A bunch of good words printed right here= Thanx for the advice.
It's not a matter of if but when...
It's not a matter of if but when...
... Just a Dude...
Re: Are you prepared?
One thing I didn't address was what you want to do if you can no longer take care of yourself. Nursing home/skilled nursing, assisted living, memory care facility.
Mac66 is correct: I will say it. I give myself about 10 years -either I croak or I have to move into assisted living. My experience is over 60 years of relatives going into assisted living.
1. loss of enjoyment in living because they delayed in disposing of things when they could do so easily.
2. failure to put up grab bars, rails, and deal with housing requiring going up and down steps.
I have a sister-in-law I went to high school with. Can she climb up the stairs to the second story bedroom any more. No. Why Is she delaying moving into a condo with an elevator?
I have a younger relative that I will drive 200 miles to take care of for a week at the end of the month.
One day, it will happen to me.
Epidemic 2000 -2001.
Representative photos were put on usb keys. I probably have 8 boxes of albums. If the kid wants them - fine. If not, he can toss them.
Videos were put on usb keys
cd/dvd music put on usb keys
duplicate tools given away. My avocation has been restoring tools. I will not be swinging the big axes. Kept one large axe and all the hatchets. Gave 20 large tools to the boy scouts. allowed me to have room in the garage, to sort , rebox and understand what I have remaining and gain future access without any problems. gave all the extra axe covers as the boy scouts did not have covers for what they had.
old clothes - gone
books gone except two and those unread. I am keeping text books in the hopes that classes will resume as text books are very expensive.
wood pile - gone
undone projects - gone
unused athletic equipment -gone
old tax backup -gone
old compute gear - gone
diplomas/awards plaques - put on usb keys and tossed
When my dad passed, I spent two full weeks tossing old projects, old ratty clothes. There were no salvageable tools. Made multiple trips to the dump. The attic was not floored and it was understandable that there came a point when he never went up there. There came a point when the mess was overwhelming. He waited too long. A younger brother tackled the home office and it took him a week.
My dad was a nice guy. He was just overwhelmed. You don't want to end up that way. You want to enjoy life as long as you can. Getting rid of things now is part of the plan.
Mac66 is correct: I will say it. I give myself about 10 years -either I croak or I have to move into assisted living. My experience is over 60 years of relatives going into assisted living.
1. loss of enjoyment in living because they delayed in disposing of things when they could do so easily.
2. failure to put up grab bars, rails, and deal with housing requiring going up and down steps.
I have a sister-in-law I went to high school with. Can she climb up the stairs to the second story bedroom any more. No. Why Is she delaying moving into a condo with an elevator?
I have a younger relative that I will drive 200 miles to take care of for a week at the end of the month.
One day, it will happen to me.
Epidemic 2000 -2001.
Representative photos were put on usb keys. I probably have 8 boxes of albums. If the kid wants them - fine. If not, he can toss them.
Videos were put on usb keys
cd/dvd music put on usb keys
duplicate tools given away. My avocation has been restoring tools. I will not be swinging the big axes. Kept one large axe and all the hatchets. Gave 20 large tools to the boy scouts. allowed me to have room in the garage, to sort , rebox and understand what I have remaining and gain future access without any problems. gave all the extra axe covers as the boy scouts did not have covers for what they had.
old clothes - gone
books gone except two and those unread. I am keeping text books in the hopes that classes will resume as text books are very expensive.
wood pile - gone
undone projects - gone
unused athletic equipment -gone
old tax backup -gone
old compute gear - gone
diplomas/awards plaques - put on usb keys and tossed
When my dad passed, I spent two full weeks tossing old projects, old ratty clothes. There were no salvageable tools. Made multiple trips to the dump. The attic was not floored and it was understandable that there came a point when he never went up there. There came a point when the mess was overwhelming. He waited too long. A younger brother tackled the home office and it took him a week.
My dad was a nice guy. He was just overwhelmed. You don't want to end up that way. You want to enjoy life as long as you can. Getting rid of things now is part of the plan.
Re: Are you prepared?
I wish my dad would get rid of more stuff. My sister and I have talked, we will end up bringing in a dumpster(s) and having to clean house when dad eventually passes. Although, my sister is about as bad of a pack rat as my dad, which could make this challenging.
Re: Are you prepared?
In the last month we moved my mother out of apartment into assisted living (one room). While we split up a lot of her stuff between the 5 siblings we still ended up throwing away or donating a ton of furniture and other stuff. I still ended up with a lot of her stuff.
We also recently moved my mother in law from her two bedroom apartment into assisted living/memory care (1 room). We ended up with a garage and basement full of stuff which at this point my wife wont get rid of. I was able to sell a couple things before my wife put the kabash on selling anything else.
Not to mention that we've been in our house for 35 years and are trying to downsize to the new house up in the woods. It is overwhelming.
We also recently moved my mother in law from her two bedroom apartment into assisted living/memory care (1 room). We ended up with a garage and basement full of stuff which at this point my wife wont get rid of. I was able to sell a couple things before my wife put the kabash on selling anything else.
Not to mention that we've been in our house for 35 years and are trying to downsize to the new house up in the woods. It is overwhelming.