Chuck Norris

[David]

Chuck Norris Can Kill Two Stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Before he goes to bed, the boogieman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong Phone.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.

There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

When you put Chuck Norris in your GPS, he's always right behind you.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Superman once asked Chuck Norris for a pint of his blood so he could defeat Lex Luthor once and for all.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Someone ask Chuck Norris how many push-ups he could do, Chuck replied All of them.